How to Build Confidence

Very few people succeed without a degree of confidence. Yet everyone, from young people in their first real jobs to seasoned leaders in the upper ranks of organizations, have moments or days, months, or even years when they are unsure of their ability to tackle challenges. No one is immune to these bouts of insecurity, but they don’t have to hold you back.

Preparation

Your piano teacher was right: practice does make perfect - a way to build confidence in any given area is to invest energy in it and work hard at it. Many people give up when they think they’re not good at a particular job or task, assuming the exertion is fruitless but deliberate practice will almost always trump natural aptitude. If you are unsure about your ability to do something such as speaking in front of a large audience or negotiating with a tough customer - start by trying out the skills in a safe setting. Practice can be very useful, and is highly recommended because in addition to building confidence, it also tends to improve quality. Actually deliver the big presentation more than once before the due date. Even people who are confident in their abilities can become more so with better preparation.

Get out of your own way

Confident people aren’t only willing to practice, they’re also willing to acknowledge that they don’t and can’t know everything. It’s better to acknowledge when you need help, than not, a certain degree of confidence - specifically, confidence in your ability to learn - is required to be willing to admit that you need guidance or support. On the flip side, don’t let modesty hold you back. People often get too wrapped up in what others will think to focus on what they have to offer. When you realize your value to others, confidence is no longer the right word. It’s now about purpose. Instead of agonizing about what others might think of you or your work, concentrate on the unique perspective you bring.

Get feedback when you need it

While you don’t want to completely rely on others’ opinions, validation can also be very effective in building confidence. Try asking someone who cares about your development as well as the quality of your performance to tell you what they think. Be sure to pick people whose feedback will be entirely truthful and delivered in a positive way.  However, when performance appraisals are only positive, we stop trusting them so listen and acknowledge any areas to improve.

Take risks

Playing to your strengths is a smart tactic but not if it means you hesitate to take on new challenges. Many people don’t know what they are capable of until they are truly tested - try things you don’t think you can do. Failure can be very useful for building confidence; of course, this is often easier said than done. It can feel bad to not be good at something and there is a leap of faith involved with getting better at anything - don’t assume you should feel good all the time. In fact, feeling moderate stress is the only way to grow. Enlisting help from others can make this easier as you explore the area past your current ability.

Principles to Remember

Do:

·         Be honest with yourself about what you know and what you still need to learn

·         Practice doing the things you are unsure about

·         Embrace new opportunities to prove you can do difficult things

Don’t:

·         Focus excessively on whether you do or do not have the ability – think instead about the value you provide

·         Hesitate to ask for external validation if you need it